LawyersLifeCoach.com -- "Interview with Dr. Ellen Ostrow"

60 Seconds with... Dr Ellen Ostrow, Personal and Career Coach for women, Lawyers Life Coach, Silver Spring, MD, USA

You specialise in coaching women lawyers. Do you consider the challenges they face to be different from male lawyers and if so, in what way? The law is a very demanding profession. It is difficult for anyone - male or female - to succeed in the legal profession and have a satisfying life. But since women continue to shoulder the majority of responsibility for home and family life, they face particular difficulty. Also, the law is a gendered profession in that it was designed by and for men and is consistent with the norms and biological realities of men's lives but not with those of women. Implicit stereotypes about how men and women are and how they should behave also present women with special challenges. The characteristics we implicitly associate with lawyers - independence, competitiveness, aggressiveness, etc. - are also the traits we automatically associate with men. Women are assumed to be nurturing, emotional and dependent. As a result, men have to work almost as hard to prove that they're not competent and women do to convince others that they are. And while self-promotion is essential for career success, women tend to receive criticism when they promote themselves because this is not how our implicit biases tell us that women should behave.

Is achieving work/life balance in a law firm a myth? I think it depends on what you mean by "balance." When work and life are regarded as a zero sum game, so that every hour spent at "life" is one less hour billed, then balance is devalued and punished. But the experience of "balance" essentially means that we're managing our stress effectively. Sometimes people make themselves more out-of-balance by trying to fit in all of the things they believe will make their lives appear balanced. Balance is not an achievable state. We work at balancing our lives when we focus our energies on what is important to us rather than everything that someone else defines as urgent. We are better at balancing if we take sufficient time to recover from the stresses we experience at work. Balancing is easier when we can be fully present whatever we're doing in any given life role, rather than worrying about work while we're trying to live the rest of our lives. If a lawyer can focus on what she regards as truly important, be fully present in the moment, take time to recover from stress, plan effectively rather than worrying about what else needs to get done, and avoid perfectionism then she can develop the kind of resilience that allows for the experience of "balance."

How can coaching help lawyers? Law school teaches lawyers about the law but not how to create a successful legal career. Many lawyers don't know how to strategically manage their careers, including how to develop relationships with mentors and other advisors; how to create opportunities to develop needed skills; how to manage the politics of their workplace; how to develop business, manage clients or be leaders. Coaching can help lawyers with all of this. Also, the demands of a legal career often interfere with the personal reflection required to ensure that you are pursuing your own vs. someone else's goals, that you're doing work that matters to you and on which you'll be able to look back with pride, and that you are developing yourself as a person - which is crucial for effective leadership. Coaching is an ideal way to create the space in your life to consider these important matters rather than living from one emergency to the next only to look back on your life with regret later.

Who or what inspires you? I am inspired by the courage of many of the women I coach. They work very hard to succeed professionally while refusing to short-change their relationships with the people they love. Many of them are quiet leaders - they may not hold "official" leadership positions (although many do) but they build high-functioning teams, inspire others and reach out to help younger women trying to succeed. They give to their communities either through pro bono legal work or activities in their places of worship. They work to maintain focus on what makes their lives meaningful and to expand their self-awareness and self-knowledge.

How do you achieve your work/life balance? I keep a quote on my computer monitor that reminds me each day to consider whether the activities in which I'm engaged are really helping me accomplish my most important goals. I pay attention to how I feel internally so that when I've gotten way off-balance I'm aware that I need to do things to re-balance and re-focus on my priorities. Like everyone else, I lose my balance. But I work on being resilient - on bouncing back.

What books are your reading at the moment? A Tale of Love and Darkness by Amos Oz; Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and Savoring - A New Model of Positive Experience by Fred B. Bryant and Joseph Veroff.

Where's your favourite holiday destination? Any beautiful, un-crowded stretch of beach. Also, New York City to visit my dearest friend.

60 Seconds with... Dr. Ellen Ostrow