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BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR (TM) - Making the Hours of Your
Life Worth More (TM)
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Issue # 7 - Be Self-Sufficient and Strong: Whose Rule
is this Anyway?
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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: A brief phone call is all you need
now to find out more about Ellen's
coaching. Call 212-461-2749 and
hear Ellen interviewed by a woman
lawyer and forensic psychologist.
You can learn about Ellen's coaching
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by listening to the recorded
interview. This is available 24
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ARTICLE SUMMARY: Lawyers are taught to project power and
hide weakness. Maintaining an image as strong, self-
sufficient, all-knowing and confident isolates lawyers
from each other. The adversarial environment of today's
law firm leads lawyers to be secretive about the
challenges they face and the limits of their knowledge.
Overcoming these obstacles and sharing concerns with
like-minded others is a far more effective way to achieve
both success and satisfaction in the law.
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Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D., Editor
Ellen is the founder of LawyersLifeCoach.com (TM)
Personal and Career Coaching for Lawyers Determined
to Achieve Professional Success AND
a Fulfilling Life
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OUR PERSPECTIVE
Most attorneys -- especially women -- live impossibly busy lives.
Finding a balance between work and life without sacrificing
professional success, deciding on the best practice area or work
setting, and making career transitions can be a daunting task,
even for the most gifted and
accomplished lawyer.
Just as every person deserves the best possible legal
counsel, every attorney deserves professional, dedicated
support in accomplishing her most important goals.
You know how hard you've worked to get where you are --
you serve others, both personally and professionally.
You've earned the right to both career success and
a fulfilling life.
This newsletter is intended to help you create a
satisfying life -- within, or outside of -- legal practice.
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Be Self-Sufficient and Strong: Whose Rule is this
Anyway?
"Creative minds have always been known to survive any
kind of bad training."
Anna Freud
I received a large number of emails in reaction to my
last newsletter, "Restoring Civility to Law Firm
Relationships: Effectively Managing Criticism."
The lawyers who responded all expressed the same
message - astonishment that other lawyers might have
experiences similar to their own.
Upon reflection, it's not really surprising that
lawyers know little about the experience of their
colleagues. Certainly, this is in part due to the
overwhelming time demands of the profession.
THE PROBLEM
I think that beyond time constraints, something far
more insidious and endemic to law firm culture isolates
lawyers and interferes with success. Beginning in law school,
lawyers are taught to always give the impression
of being knowledgeable and confident. "For a lawyer to admit
ignorance is to admit weakness, and to admit
weakness is to open oneself to attack." (1)
Many of the lawyers I coach are concerned about the negative
consequences that will ensue if they reveal any
vulnerability, insecurity or gaps in their knowledge.
They fear that if they ask how to do something, this
will be interpreted as a gesture of extreme incompetence.
This is especially problematic for younger attorneys confronted
with the gap between what they learned in law school and what
they need to know to practice law.
Of course, this is a dangerous belief for any lawyer.
Ethical practice requires consultation with colleagues.
If the fear of exposure of ignorance prevents this, the
consequences can be serious for all involved.
In "The Soul of the Law," Benjamin Sells describes what
he calls the "cult of individualism" in the legal
profession. Lawyers learn that they are expected to
be self-sufficient, strong, knowing, aggressive and
confident - in short, super-human.
The law values rationality and objectivity. Lawyers
are encouraged to put personal feelings aside. Emotional
vulnerability is seen as antithetical to the image
required for success.
Concerns about openness to attack are intensified by
the adversarial atmosphere many lawyers experience
in their firms. But the requirement to be cautious,
circumspect and secretive closes lawyers in on
themselves.
Both men and women lawyers are significantly affected
by these norms. For men, they reinforce the cultural
expectations of strength and invincibility. For women,
the threat of being derided as "over-emotional" can
become quite limiting. It undermines self-confidence
because it labels normal experiences as inappropriate.
It's no wonder that so many lawyers feel unable to
effectively counter harsh criticism. If you believe
that you should be "tough enough" to tolerate abuse,
then you'll do your best to accept it.
It is also not surprising that many lawyers assume
they are the only ones who have difficulty managing
harsh criticism. If it's not safe to discuss your
professional questions or emotional concerns with
your colleagues for fear of exposure and judgment, then
you are isolated.
THE SOLUTION
The paradox is that in order to be strong,
resilient, self-confident and knowledgeable,
you have to be able to seek advice and counsel
and to share your experiences with others
who share your concerns.
Ongoing sharing with like-minded colleagues makes
you a more effective problem-solver. It dramatically
increases the likelihood of your professional success
because you will be more effective at managing the
stress of legal practice.
Realizing that the challenges you face are systemic,
and not unique to you, empowers you to focus on your
work, maintain your personal standards of excellence,
and to work toward changing institutional obstacles
to your success.
I suggest that you function as a true individual
rather than conform to norms that isolate and impede
real success.
-- Find a mentor outside your firm. You need to be
able to ask questions without fear of judgment
and negative consequences for your career.
-- Meet regularly with a group of like-minded lawyers.
Share stories about workplace practices and
brainstorm solutions.
-- Avoid self-blame. There are no super-humans.
The people who appear this way are the real
imposters.
-- Remember that "emotional intelligence" is essential
for success. The capacity to recognize your own
feelings and those of others is an asset, not a
weakness. You need to regulate how you express
these feelings, but this is very different from
denying your feelings altogether.
1. Sells, Benjamin (1994). "The Soul of the Law:
Understanding Lawyers and the Law." Element.
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PostScript: LawyersLifeCoach.com offers a special
group coaching program for women attorneys seeking
the opportunity to share their experiences and develop
strategies for career success and satisfaction
with like-minded others.
More information about "Success On Your Own Terms for
Women Lawyers" is available at http://lawyerslifecoach.com
Or contact Ellen, either by phone at 1-301-578-8686
or email at Ellen@lawyerslifecoach.com
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ARE YOU A LAWYER WITH CAREER SUCCESS AND LIFE BALANCE?
The legal field needs to hear your strategies. If you
are willing to share them, I'd love to hear from you.
You can send e-mail to Ellen@lawyerslifecoach.com.
Lawyers Life Coach is dedicated to sharing practical
strategies that lawyers are already using --
from something as small as hiring a virtual assistant
to something as large as leaving the profession.
Of course, I will only share your strategies and any
identifying information with your permission.
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BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ is published monthly by
Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D., founder of LawyersLifeCoach.com.
She brings 20 years of experience assisting women
attorneys to her work in Lawyers Life Coach ™.
LawyersLifeCoach.com is a professional and personal
coaching firm specializing in working virtually (by
phone with email and fax backup) with women attorneys
interested in developing strategies to find greater
satisfaction in their careers within the law or
in exploring career alternatives for lawyers.
Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D. established Lawyerslifecoach.com
to coach busy lawyers who might benefit from the
insights gained from 20 years as a psychologist
combined with her experience and familiarity with
the legal profession.
Ellen holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology
from the University of Rochester and is a managing
member of Metropolitan Behavioral Health Care, LLC.,
a multispecialty, multidisciplinary psychotherapy
practice in Washington, D.C. and suburban Maryland.
She is a member of the International Coach Federation
and a graduate of the Mentor Coach Program ™.
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NOTE: BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ is intended
for informational and educational purposes only.
It is not a substitute for a personal consultation
with a mental health professional and should not
be construed as a form of, or substitute for,
counseling, psychotherapy, or other psychological
service.
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CONTACT INFORMATION
Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D.
LawyersLifeCoach.com
Phone: (301) 578-8686
email: Ellen@LawyersLifeCoach.com
Web: http://LawyersLifeCoach.com
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(c)Copyright 2000 Ellen Ostrow. All rights reserved.
Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted
but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you
wish as long as not a single word is changed, added
or deleted, including the contact information.
However, you may not copy it to a web site.
Reprint permission will be freely granted upon request.
Advance written permission must be obtained for any
reprinting of this material in modified or altered form.
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