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BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ - Making the Hours of Your
Life Worth More ™
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Issue # 24 - RESOLUTIONS OR REAL CHANGE?
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To All "Beyond the Billable Hour " ™ Subscribers:
BEST WISHES FOR A NEW YEAR OF SUCCESS,
PERSONAL FULFILLMENT AND PEACE.
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are archived at http://LawyersLifeCoach.com
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ARTICLE SUMMARY: The New Year is often a time for making
resolutions - but it takes a lot more for
real changes to occur - and to last.
A manual for moving beyond New Year's
resolutions to lasting change is presented.
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Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D., Editor
Ellen is the founder of LawyersLifeCoach.com ™
Personal and Career Coaching for Lawyers Determined
to Achieve Professional Success AND
a Fulfilling Life
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OUR PERSPECTIVE
Most attorneys -- especially women -- live impossibly busy lives.
Finding a balance between work and life without sacrificing
professional success, deciding on the best practice area or
work setting, and making career transitions can be a daunting
task, even for the most gifted and accomplished lawyer.
Just as every person deserves the best possible legal
counsel, every attorney deserves professional, dedicated
support in accomplishing her most important goals.
You know how hard you've worked to get where you are --
you serve others, both personally and professionally.
You've earned the right to both career success and
a fulfilling life.
This newsletter is intended to help you create a
satisfying life -- within, or outside of -- legal practice.
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RESOLUTIONS OR REAL CHANGE?
Sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires.
William Blake
The ultimate commitment is the one you make with yourself:
to take responsibility for your life and to make the most of it.
This lifelong commitment is born from a sense of urgency,
a recognition that time waits for no one and that the choices
we make and the actions we take today determine our
tomorrows.
Laurence G. Boldt
I recently attended a multi-denominational service. The
priest, the minister and the rabbi had all implored the
congregation to restore courtesy and civility to our
relationships with others. Heads nodded throughout
the large crowd. As people left, I caught snatches of
conversations about intentions to be kinder and more
patient.
But from my car I witnessed the usual post-service
scene: people cutting one another off in an effort to
exit the parking lot; cars driving through crosswalks
in spite of the presence of pedestrians; congregants
shouting at family members to "hurry up."
Of course, not everyone behaved in ways so contrary
to the sentiments with which they'd agreed just
20 minutes earlier. But the gap between intentions
spoken inside the chapel and actions taken moments
later was startling.
Our New Year's resolutions are often like this. How
many times have you found yourself making the
same resolutions you'd made the year before?
We make those resolutions with the best of intentions.
Sometimes we even follow through with these
commitments for a few weeks. But all too often
after a few months we notice ourselves doing
what we'd promised not to - or failing to do
something we'd resolved to do.
Did you resolve not to work so hard this year?
Perhaps your resolutions involved spending
more time with your family, or losing your
temper less often, or taking better care of
your health by exercising more regularly.
If you want to see yourself nine months from now
actually doing what you've resolved to do, you'll
need to do much more than just promising
yourself you're going to do it.
Here is a "manual" for making real changes in
your behavior - and sticking with them over
the long haul:
1. RECOGNIZE THAT YOU'RE IN GOOD COMPANY
Research indicates that people tend to make the
same New Year's resolutions year after year --
in fact, the average is 10 years.
25% of resolutions are abandoned after a week;
40% are continued for six months and then
discarded.
90% of efforts to change actually involve making
a commitment to change, failing to do so and
recommitting to that course of action.
2. UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INTENTIONS
AND ACTIONS
We make New Year's resolutions for all sorts of reasons:
someone else is pressuring us to change; we think we
"should" do something differently; or it is personally
important to us to make a change.
When we make resolutions under external or internal
pressure, the "reward" for saying "I'll change" provides
relief from the pressure: we stop feeling guilty
or the other person backs off.
Only a genuine interest in accomplishing a particular
outcome is likely to lead to change-related action.
Try asking yourself, "Do I really want to pursue
this goal?"
Your goals must be based on your own personal interests and
values if you have any hope of accomplishing them.
But even then, an intention is just a prerequisite for
change. It's necessary - but it's not sufficient.
3. BE REALISTIC
It's important to be realistic about how much you can
change at any given time.
Change takes time - don't expect it to happen too quickly.
You'll just get discouraged and give up.
Recognize that accomplishing your goal will take considerable
effort. Many resolutions never lead to change because we
underestimate how difficult it will be.
Don't make your goal too large or too difficult. Consider the
possibility that you may need to break it down into small
steps.
Make sure you're not setting a goal that's too far in the
future. You'll need to feel a sense of accomplishment
in order to sustain your motivation. So, if you're trying
to do something that can't possibly succeed in the
short term, break it down into a series of short-term
goals. For example, don't make a resolution to change
jobs - it may take a long time to actually find yourself
going to work somewhere else. Instead, set a goal to
assess what kind of work situation would be
satisfying for you. Then resolve to learn about all
the possible options for a good fit, etc.
Don't set goals that are in conflict with one another.
For example, don't resolve to spend more time with
your family and also to exceed the firm's 2000 billable
hours expectations. You'll need to decide which is
more important to you right now.
4. MAKE A COMMITMENT
Ask yourself, "How important is this to me? Am I really
committed to making this change?"
If you're ambivalent, you're unlikely to succeed.
It may help you to take stock and examine the conflict
between your values and your behavior. Do you value
time with your family but find yourself only seeing your
children on weekends? Did you become an attorney in
order to positively affect the lives of people but find
yourself spending endless hours sorting through
minutiae in documents and rarely interacting with clients?
If you want to increase your commitment, make a list of the
pros and cons of changing your behavior. When the pros
of change significantly outweigh the cons, you're probably
ready to make a genuine commitment.
5. BE SPECIFIC
Ambiguous goals are rarely accomplished.
Describe your goal so that there will be no question as
to whether or not you've accomplished it. For example,
instead of resolving to lead a more balanced life,
you might make a commitment to: 1) using the
treadmill for 20 minutes every Tuesday, Thursday and
Saturday morning; 2) leaving the office by 6:30 PM
every day of the work week; and 3) taking your
children on a family outing every Sunday afternoon.
6. ENVISION SUCCESS
Take a tip from Olympic athletes: they envision themselves
successfully jumping the hurdles and crossing the finish
line in first place.
Having a clear picture in your mind of your life having
successfully fulfilled your resolution will motivate you
to take relevant actions and bolster your hopes when
you feel discouraged.
7. BELIEVE YOU CAN CHANGE
Research indicates that people who believe they have
the capacity to take the necessary action are far more
likely to accomplish their goals. Psychologists call
this belief "self-efficacy."
Try bolstering your belief by recalling all the times you've
successfully accomplished goals (like graduating from law
school) and overcome obstacles - if you're a woman lawyer
you've already mastered many of these.
One of many reasons that executives hire coaches is to
help them sustain belief in their ability to cope with
difficulties at moments when it's easy to lose heart and
give up.
8. SET A START DATE
It's not uncommon for people to resolve to change and
then to procrastinate acting on their intention. Decide
when you will initiate your goal-directed behavior and
put it on your calendar and/or PDA.
9. DECIDE HOW YOU'LL PURSUE YOUR GOAL
Accomplishing any goal usually requires a number of
different actions. For example, if you've resolved to
exercise you may need to join a gym, ask a friend to
join you or set up the treadmill you bought six months
ago.
The more complex your goal, the more important it
is to break it down into small steps. You need to
set satisfaction benchmarks to sustain your motivation
and guide your activities.
It's really no different from any legal project you've
accomplished. You thought through the strategies
you'd need to employ and the steps you'd need to
carry out and these guided your actions.
10.MAKE SURE YOU KNOW HOW TO ACCOMPLISH YOUR GOAL
You probably know how to choose strategies for completing
a legal project, but you may not be certain about the
strategies you'll need to turn your resolution into successful
goal achievement.
Unfortunately, many lawyers feel that they should be able to do
everything themselves. In the corporate world, it's the norm for
executives to receive professional coaching when attempting to
accomplish significant change. The documented return on this
investment is substantial. It's likely that many of your own clients
are reaping the benefits of coaching - why shouldn't you?
11.CREATE A SPECIFIC IMPLEMENTATION PLAN
Psychological research has consistently demonstrated that this is
crucial for the successful accomplishment of your change efforts.
Most goal-directed actions are not part of our everyday routines.
We all have habitual ways of behaving under particular
circumstances. For example, it's probably automatic for you
to work when you're in your office. So it's unlikely that, once
there, you'll be thinking about your resolution to spend more time
with your family.
In order to change, you'll need to find a way to make your goal-related
actions nearly automatic - to establish new routines that compete
against the old habits you're trying to modify. If you decide in
advance how you want to respond when you encounter a certain
situation, you won't have to rely on the unlikely possibility that you'll
happen to remember what you resolved to do.
Therefore you need to specify the when, where and how of the various
steps to attaining your goal. For example, you might make an
implementation plan that says, "The moment I walk into
my office I'll set an alarm on my computer to go off at
6:30 PM and I will leave for home immediately when I hear
the alarm."
12.PUT YOUR PLAN IN WRITING
Writing out your plan will help you ensure that you've
clearly specified the when, where and how of each step.
It's also a way to increase your commitment. As an attorney.
writing it in the form of a contract with yourself helps you
to think of it as binding in the ways you would any other legal
contract.
In addition, at those inevitable times when your motivation
wavers, your plan can remind you what you resolved to do.
If you find yourself unwilling to write out your plan,
you might reconsider just how committed you are
right now.
13.GO PUBLIC
Telling others about your goals also increases the
probability that you'll follow through. People are
likely to ask you about your progress and you'll
want to be able to report some success.
One reason that many people hire coaches is to
have someone to whom they are accountable.
They know from experience that without this,
it's all too easy to "blow off" what they resolved
to do when the going gets tough.
14.PLAN FOR OBSTACLES
Sooner or later you're bound to encounter some kind of barrier to
the successful accomplishment of your goal. If you've resolved
to go home at 6:30 PM, you can count on someone asking you at 6:00 PM
to do some kind of project that will take more than 30 minutes to complete.
Have a plan for how you'll assertively respond to external pressures
that threaten to sidetrack you.
Try to anticipate all possible "risky" situations and what you'll need to
tell yourself or someone else so you can stay on course.
It helps to write down what you'll want to say to yourself if you start
to have thoughts that undermine your commitment.
You may also want to practice responding assertively to people
you expect to pressure you to follow their agenda instead of the one
you've set for yourself.
Make a list of the benefits you expect to accrue from successful
goal accomplishment. Keep it visible in every situation where
you anticipate some risk to your success.
15.COPE WITH COMPETING PROJECTS
The more concurrent activities in which you're involved,
the higher the risk of being distracted.
How many times have you planned to work on an important goal --
like changing jobs or working a balanced-hours schedule --
only to find yourself with so much work to do that it seems
impossible to continue your goal-related activities?
Projects that compete for time with your goals can temporarily
gain priority and you can fail to return to those actions
necessary to fulfill your resolution.
In order to keep distractions from permanently sidetracking you,
create multiple reminders of your resolution. Lists of the pros
and cons of change, a description of the success you envisioned,
and people you've asked to remind you can all help you to refocus
on your goal after being temporarily distracted.
16.DON'T MOVE A PIANO ALONE
If you needed to move a piano, you probably wouldn't
consider undertaking this task alone. In fact, you
probably wouldn't just ask friends to help, either.
Because the piano is so valuable, you'd want to hire
movers who specialize in moving pianos.
You can use the same strategy when it comes to
turning your resolutions into real change. Professional
coaches are trained specialists who provide
the structure, support and accountability needed to
accomplish your most difficult and important goals.
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BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ is published monthly by
Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D., founder of LawyersLifeCoach.com.
She brings 20 years of experience assisting women
attorneys to her work in Lawyers Life Coach ™.
LawyersLifeCoach.com is a professional and personal
coaching firm specializing in working virtually (by
phone with email and fax backup) with women attorneys
interested in developing strategies to find greater
satisfaction in their careers within the law or
in exploring career alternatives for lawyers.
Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D. established Lawyerslifecoach.com
to coach busy lawyers who might benefit from the
insights gained from 20 years as a psychologist
combined with her experience and familiarity with
the legal profession.
Ellen holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology
from the University of Rochester and is a managing
member of Metropolitan Behavioral Health Care, LLC.,
a multispecialty, multidisciplinary psychotherapy
practice in Washington, D.C. and suburban Maryland.
She is a member of the International Coach Federation
and a graduate of the Mentor Coach Program ™.
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NOTE: BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ is intended
for informational and educational purposes only.
It is not a substitute for a personal consultation
with a mental health professional and should not
be construed as a form of, or substitute for,
counseling, psychotherapy, or other psychological
service.
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CONTACT INFORMATION
Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D.
LawyersLifeCoach.com
Phone: (301) 578-8686
email: Ellen@LawyersLifeCoach.com
Web: http://LawyersLifeCoach.com
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(c)Copyright 1998 - 2007 Ellen Ostrow. All rights reserved.
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