Making The Hours of Your Life Worth More ™

Issue # 26
Turning Points

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BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ - Making the Hours of Your
                  Life Worth More ™
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Issue # 26 - Turning Points

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Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D., Editor
Ellen is the founder of LawyersLifeCoach.com ™
      Personal and Career Coaching for Lawyers Determined
      to Achieve Extraordinary Professional Success AND
      a Fulfilling Life  
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              OUR PERSPECTIVE

Most attorneys -- especially women -- live impossibly busy lives.  
Finding a balance between work and life without sacrificing 
professional success, deciding on the best practice area or 
work setting, and making career transitions can be a daunting
task, even for the most gifted and accomplished lawyer.

Just as every person deserves the best possible legal
counsel, every attorney deserves professional, dedicated
support in accomplishing her most important goals.
You know how hard you've worked to get where you are --
you serve others, both personally and professionally.
You've earned the right to both career success and
a fulfilling life.

This newsletter is intended to help you create a 
satisfying life -- within, or outside of -- legal practice.


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                  "Turning Points"



     Then indecision brings its own delays
     And days are lost lamenting o'er lost days.
     Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;
     What you can do, or dream you can, begin it;
     Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

                             Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


"Turning Point" was the name of a 1977 film that fit within what
was then called the genre of "women's films."  Anne Bancroft and
Shirley MacLaine had shared their young womanhood training to
become prima ballerinas.  But Shirley MacLaine's character became
pregnant, forcing her to  forfeit her dance career. The film depicts 
their reunion, 17 years later, as Anne Bancroft prepares to leave
the stage, ballet being a profession of the young.  The climax is a
fight between the two women, each envious of what the other had
achieved.  Professional success or family – in  the 70s, women in 
ballet were faced with this zero sum choice.  

Today, almost 30 years later, women lawyers are struggling to 
make their profession aware that this is not really a choice at all.

Still, both men and women will always be confronted with
turning points. A psychological turning point is defined as
"a period or point in time when a person has undergone a major
transformation in views about the self.  Life events and difficulties,
life transitions, and internal subjective changes such as self-
realizations or reinterpretations of past experiences may be associated
with the feeling that life has reached a 'turning point.'  " [1]

Turning points are perceived, long-lasting redirections in the path of
an individual's life.  Often they are brought about by some objective
shift in the environment.  Events like making partner, losing  your
job, the birth of your child and the death of a loved one can instigate
a  major transformation in your view of your self, your identity, or
the meaning of your life.  

Such transformations can also be brought about by a more gradual process.  
For example, chronic job stress may elicit a period of personal 
reflection resulting in the  decision to make a change.

Sometimes a turning point is created by the absence of an expected
event.  For example, a lawyer who has worked hard to become
a partner in her firm, only to find herself working harder than ever, 
or one who discovers that wealth and possessions have not fulfilled the
emptiness in her life might find herself at a turning point.

Interestingly, women report more turning points than do men
At least among attorneys, this is often triggered by the same
circumstances facing the characters in the film – the decision
to have a family, or the arrival of a child can transform your
view of yourself.  And although this typically involves positive
realizations,  all too often you're confronted with a negative
response from your workplace.

Psychological turning points involve major changes in how people
feel or think about important parts of their lives – such as work and
family – as well as beliefs about themselves.  They may involve
realizations about oneself  that are new and affirming, or new and 
upsetting. Most fundamentally, they make the need for change 
unmistakably apparent.


Turning points are common in the lives of men and women lawyers.  
Here are some examples:

A woman attorney in her late 30s hears the ticking of her
biological clock.  A successful associate in a large firm and
well-positioned for partnership, she begins to consider
the kind of life she wants to lead.  She faces the reality that
career alone will not satisfy her.  She wants children.
And, she wants to work in an environment that will support
her continued career success and her commitment to family.
She wonders if there is a legal workplace that will provide
this.

A male attorney in a challenging transactional practice is
invited to become a partner in his prestigious firm.  He
knows he can be successful; he can envision how much
money he'll make.  But he thinks about how he'll explain
his work to his young son.  He decides that making his own
fortune and helping corporations amass theirs is not what
he believes he was  put on this earth to do.  But he wonders
what his calling really is.

A midlife attorney reflects on all of his successes and his
accumulated wealth.  He's proud of the work he's done
and of the life he's been able to provide his family.  But
he's beginning to feel marginalized in the firm.  Last
year the firm reduced his shares: increasingly, the younger
power brokers in the firm are ignoring his efforts to offer
the benefit of his years of experience and wisdom. He considers
retiring but feels he still has much to contribute. He wonders where
he might find a place to develop his undeveloped strengths – and
where they will be appreciated.

A woman in the legal department of a corporation was stunned            
to find herself criticized for being a poor corporate citizen            
after cautioning the company about the risks associated
with a new product they were about to release.  She'd            
thought she was doing her job and yet they treated her like a
traitor.  She wonders if there is a place for her in the legal
profession where her skills and her integrity will be valued.


If you are at a turning point, here are some approaches that may
ease the process:

1. Transitions vs. Changes

Understand that while changes are events, transitions involve a process.
The starting point of a transition is not the outcome.  Transitions require us
to relinquish our old identity – therefore transitions begin with losses
that must be grieved.

2. The "Neutral Zone"

William Bridges [2] calls the period after letting go of our old identity
the "neutral zone."  It's a limbo period between  the identity you're leaving 
behind and the new one you've yet to form.  A period of confusion and
self doubt, it's often easy to second guess yourself, to think there's 
something wrong with you, and to believe you must be making a mistake.  
During this period sustaining motivation for change is a challenge. You have
to tolerate what lawyers tend to like least: ambiguity.  Unfortunately,
avoiding discomfort is not an option.

3. Be Open to Experience

In order to become clear about what is truly meaningful and to
decide where to commit your time and energy you'll need to
remain open.  Pay attention to your intuition.  Don't fight with
yourself about your values.  Consider options  you might
not have considered before.  In spite of all of your legal 
training, try to trust your feelings.

4. Believe Stress Can Be a Teacher

Uncertainty about your identity can be very stressful.  This is particularly
the case when your turning point was triggered by a negative event
over which you had no control such as job loss, marital distress, infertility,
and death.  But if you find yourself facing something negative and stressful, 
allow yourself to learn from the experience.  Even these painful occurrences 
can allow you to become clear about what is truly meaningful in your life.  
It's also an opportunity to discover your strengths.

5. Be Flexible

Turning points are times of reappraisal of your life.  During such times
we often see things about ourselves that are difficult to face; we also
discover new potential within ourselves.  When we're flexible in terms of
our perspective, attitudes, beliefs and plans, the process is easier to 
undergo and we gain more insight.

6. Build on Continuities

Even in times of radical transition, some things in your life
will remain the same.  During turning points we often reaffirm
our connections to loved ones, our spiritual beliefs, or our
abiding interests.  Hold onto these to stay the course and build
upon them.

7. Recall Past Successes

You've been through law school.  You've faced difficult
challenges as a lawyer.  You've demonstrated to yourself
that you have the resources to face this turning point.
If it's helpful, write down all the difficulties you've already
overcome in your life.

8. Get Support

Connect with others  who've faced their own
turning points.  Invite the people who care about
you to understand the "crisis" you're facing.
Hire a professional coach to become your
guide on this journey.

9. Persevere

Transitions take time.  Like a larvae in a cocoon, you need
time to transform into a butterfly.  As a lawyer, you may
tend to be impatient.  Try to accept that there will be
a period of uncertainty and that premature closure will
hurt, not help, you.



Notes:

1. Wethington, E. (2003) Turning points as  opportunities for
          psychological growth.  In Keyes, C. L & Haidt, J. (Eds.)
          Flourishing – Positive Psychology and the Life Well-Lived.
          Washington, D.C.:  American Psychological Association.
          p. 39. 

2. Bridges, W. (1991) Managing transitions – making the most
         of change.  Reading, MA:  Perseus Books.


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BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ is published monthly by
Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D., founder of LawyersLifeCoach.com.
She brings 20 years of experience assisting women
attorneys to her work in Lawyers Life Coach ™.

LawyersLifeCoach.com is a professional and personal
coaching firm specializing in working virtually (by
phone with email and fax backup) with women attorneys 
interested in developing strategies to find greater
satisfaction in their careers within the law or 
in exploring career alternatives for lawyers.

Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D. established Lawyerslifecoach.com
to coach busy lawyers who might benefit from the
insights gained from 20 years as a psychologist
combined with her experience and familiarity with
the legal profession.

Ellen holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology
from the University of Rochester and is a managing
member of Metropolitan Behavioral Health Care, LLC.,
a multispecialty, multidisciplinary psychotherapy
practice in Washington, D.C. and suburban Maryland.

She is a member of the International Coach Federation
and a graduate of the Mentor Coach Program ™.

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NOTE:  BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ is intended
for informational and educational purposes only.
It is not a substitute for a personal consultation
with a mental health professional and should not
be construed as a form of, or substitute for,
counseling, psychotherapy, or other psychological 
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