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Are you living the life you dreamed of before law school? |
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 Making The Hours of Your Life Worth More ™
Issue # 29
Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D., Editor: Ellen is the founder of LawyersLifeCoach.com™ Personal and Career Coaching for Lawyers Determined to Achieve Extraordinary Professional Success AND a Fulfilling Life
1. National Work and Family MonthOn September 8, 2003 the U.S. Senate passed Resolution 210 by unanimous consent declaring October National Work and Family Month. Friday, October 24, 2003 has been declared "Take Back Your Time Day." An initiative of the Center for Religion, Ethics and Social Policy at Cornell University, "Take Back Your Time Day" is a nationwide challenge to the epidemic of overwork that threatens personal health, families, relationships and communities. For more information, go to http://www.simpleliving.net/timeday/ 2. Virtual Book Signings at Lawyers Life CoachWhat is a virtual book signing? It's just like any book signing you've been to, except ours is hosted via teleconference. Just call the special phone number and listen to the author discuss her/his book, ask questions, and hear the comments of others calling in from around the world. You can even order a copy of the book signed by the author. Or, if you already have a copy, the author will send a signature insert to you. There's no charge to participate, except for the charges from your phone service provider. These FREE virtual book signings are only open to subscribers of "Beyond the Billable Hour" ™ At 8:00 P.M. Eastern (New York) time, on Monday, October 20, 2003, meet SIMON TUPMAN, author of "WHY LAWYERS SHOULD EAT BANANAS." Simon will be calling in from Australia. He is a great speaker with a wonderful sense of humor. Please join us for an hour of useful tips and fun. At 8:00 P.M. Eastern time on Monday, October 27, 2003, HOLLY ENGLISH, author of "GENDER ON TRIAL" will debunk popular myths about gender in the legal profession. A litigator-turned-writer and consultant, Holly surveyed lawyers from across the U.S. You'll be surprised by some of the things she learned. Details and information on how to participate will be in a separate edition of "Beyond the Billable Hour." Watch for it in your inbox. 3. 20 WAYS TO BECOME A LEADERA recent woman law school graduate might be surprised to find so few women among the leaders of the firm she just joined. After all, half of her law school classmates were women. And although this law school statistic is often reported as if it represents some dramatic change, the fact is that roughly 40% of law school students have been women since the mid 1980s. Although there have been small positive changes, for the most part, legal workplaces continue to be sadly lacking in women leadership. There are several reasons for this, perhaps chief among them, the fact that a "committed lawyer" is defined so that it excludes the majority of women lawyers. If "commitment" is is mutually exclusive with pregnancy and motherhood, then the odds of a woman lawyer advancing to a leadership position are slim. This definition also excludes male lawyers who want to be more than just financial providers for their families. In fact, any lawyer seriously wanting " a life" is at risk of being deleted from the potential- leaders list. The best chance of changing this systemtic obstacle is to tip the gender scales in leadership balance. As more women become leaders in legal organizations, organizational values and definitions are likely to change. The concept of the "ideal lawyer" [1] will broaden to become equally inclusive of women as well as men whose wives handle family matters. The inclusion of men and woman who understand that work and life are not a zero sum game would benefit the profession as well as the individuals practicing it. As organizations move from mono-cultural clubs to diversity-welcoming institutions, one might expect that the "ideal lawyer" image would also evolve into one that equally includes lawyers of color and those of non-majority sexual orientation. There is another reason to expect that fostering leadership ability among women lawyers will benefit the careers of these and future women attorneys, as well as the organizations in which they work: Research on leadership indicates that 50-75% of organizations are currently managed by people sorely lacking in leadership competence [2]. They are hired or promoted based on technical competence, business knowledge and politics - not on leadership skill. Such managers often manage by crisis, are poor communicators, are insensitive to moral issues, are mistrustful, over-controlling and micro-managing, fail to follow through on commitments they've made and are easily excitable and explosive. The result is low morale, alienated employees, and costly attrition. Since the best business outcomes are achieved by satisfied employees, the legal profession can only gain by an increasing focus on the development of attorneys' leadership competencies. Women lawyers can take the lead in this endeavor. Here are 20 ways to become a leader: 1. TAKE CHARGEBecome the sculptor of your own career and life – not the sculpture. Leaders are authentic – the authors of their own lives. Take responsibility for your professional development. No one has a greater investment in your success and satisfaction than you. Especially as a woman, you cannot depend upon the traditional management structure of your organization to put you on the path to achievement. It's up to you to direct and protect your career and to develop your own potential. You cannot afford to be passive or to accept roles assigned to you. Know what you want and why and be prepared to take action to make it happen. 2. KNOW YOUR STRENGTHSWork is most meaningful and satisfying when it gives us an opportunity to use our strengths. Leadership is fundamentally about character. Knowing your character strengths enables you to find ways to select work environments and work assignments that allow you to express and develop them. For example, if one of your greatest strengths is loyalty and teamwork, you'll be most effective and satisfied working as a member of a team. If fairness is among your greatest strengths, you'll be frustrated and dissatisfied without an opportunity to work on issues of justice. If you're someone who loves to learn, you'll feel bored and frustrated unless you find ways to master new skills and bodies of knowledge. It's also important to keep track of your own accomplishments. Unfortunately, legal workplaces are notorious for focusing on mistakes and defeats rather than what people have done well. However, good leaders develop talent by matching peoples' strengths with work tasks. They recognize contributions and celebrate accomplishments. Start practicing good leadership by keeping a log of your successes. Record even small wins – this is essential for building your own confidence as well as developing a crucial leadership competence. You can assess your strengths by taking the VIA Strengths Survey at http://www.authentichappiness.org Dr. Martin Seligman, a psychologist known for his research in the areas of helplessness, depression, optimism and positive psychology has developed this website. Since he continues to do research on the instruments on his website, you can take them for free. The Gallup StrengthsFinder is another way to assess your strengths. You can learn about it at http://www.gallup.com. 3. CREATE YOUR VISIONLeaders are vision directed. A leader creates a compelling vision, is committed to this vision, and inspires others to action by aligning their goals with this vision. Start developing this leadership competence by creating your own personal vision. Your vision statement is a picture of the future to which you can commit. It expresses your values, the contribution you want to make, and the way you want to live your life. Without a clear vision, it's easy to be led by the expectations of others. As a professional coach, I can attest to the unhappiness of lawyers who've allowed the demands and approval of others to become their compass. It is heartbreaking to look back on your life with regret. Your vision statement is your own personal "why." Knowing what you're working toward allows you to plan your professional development as well as to be resilient in the face of obstacles. If you'd like a format for a personal vision statement, you can email me at Ellen@lawyerslifecoach.com with " Vision Statement" in the subject line. 4. CHOOSE A WORKPLACE WITH COMPATIBLE VALUESOne of the biggest mistakes many attorneys make is to accept a position in an organization with values contrary to their own. This situation leads to misery at worst, and job change at best. Furthermore, you are much less likely to achieve a position of leadership in an organization with values at odds with your own ethics than you would in an environment that echoed your principles. 5. ESTABLISH YOUR OWN PERSONAL ADVISORY BOARDAlthough the legal profession puts a premium on self-reliance, everyone needs guidance, role models and support. Old-style mentoring rarely exists in the 21st century legal workplace. Even if you have an assigned mentor, such "arranged marriages" rarely meet your most important professional development needs. It's especially difficult for women and attorneys of color to find mentors who identify with them or to whom they can look for time-tested strategies that apply to their unique challenges. Establishing your own personal advisory board enables you to obtain assistance from several people. Each has a unique contribution to make to your career success. This approach also gives you an opportunity to seek needed assistance without over-burdening any one person. In order to construct an effective personal board of directors you need to assess your learning needs. Identify the skills you need to acquire or improve in order to achieve the career goals you've set for the next year or two. Having identified your knowledge needs, you'll be ready to identify potential advisors. You can get recommendations from others. At the same time, observe people you'd like to emulate or those who have some special expertise in the areas in which you're interested. Look both within as well as outside your current work setting. The people on your board will change as your learning needs change. Here are a few important tips for developing your advisory board:
You'll need to have advisors who serve different functions. The most important of these are: A Culture GuideIf you're a new attorney, or are new to your current work setting, you'll need an advisor who can help you learn about the organizational culture. This mentor can provide tips on who is powerful, who the key players and decision- makers are, whom to seek out and whom not to cross. This mentor may also suggest committees to join and other avenues to pursue so that you will become more visible. A Legal Skills MentorIt's useful to find a mentor with deep knowledge in your area of the law – a senior and successful attorney who can provide candid and constructive feedback about your work. You need to have someone you trust to whom you can turn with substantive questions about your work. Ideally, this would not be someone who will be in a position of evaluating you: you can't hold back if you want to really learn. A Role ModelIt's especially helpful for women attorneys to form alliances with other women lawyers who share their work/life balance values. Ask someone you admire to share her strategies for balancing work and family. It's particularly helpful to identify leadership role models. Think of the most inspiring leaders in your life and list the attributes that elicited your admiration and respect. Find role models who can advise you about how you can become a leader. A Good "Connector"Unless you have a well-established network, it's helpful to know someone who can introduce you to people you'd like to know. As a knowledge worker in today's economy, you simply cannot know everything. Establishing a knowledge network enables you to identify the fastest route to the information you need and the people who can connect you to that information. Whether you're seeking information requested by a client, connections to business development opportunities, or looking for another job, a well-developed network is an essential resource. 6. FIND A CHAMPIONIt's essential to have someone who will be your champion in the organization. Most likely, this will be someone with whom you practice. The more value you add to the practice of a senior lawyer in your practice group, the more he or she will be invested in retaining you. People who like you, as well as your work, are more likely to be in your corner. It's also necessary that this person be in a secure position in the organization; someone in a tenuous spot is unlikely to feel able to go out on a limb for you. 7. WORK TOWARD EXCELLENCE IN YOUR PRACTICEExcellent work performance is a necessary, although not sufficient condition for leadership. Stay on top of your professional development. Don't wait for your firm or organization to offer a seminar in the skills you want to learn – seek out your own training opportunities. Keep in mind the difference between excellence and perfection. Maintaining high standards for your work reflects positive striving. On the other hand, being harshly self-critical for the smallest error will undermine your success. Perfectionism easily leads to micro-management and harsh criticism of others, neither of which are effective leadership behaviors. It's difficult to strive for excellence unless you're doing what you love. People who are committed to what they do – who are strongly interested in their work – are resilient in the face of challenges. Enthusiasm and passion motivate hard work. Genuine interest sustains focused attention. It's important to know what skills you should be developing as you progress in your career. The ABCNY Report of the Task Force on Lawyers Quality of Life delineates specific training goals for corporate and litigation associates. You can find these at: http://www.abcny.org/taskforce.html Look for Attachment C. For a list of skills against which to assess your progress, you can send an email to me at Ellen@lawyerslifecoach.com with "Skills" in the subject line. The more knowledgeable you are and the better your skills, the more you'll be a resource to others. Expertise builds your reputation as a credible and trusted resource, which is essential for attaining leadership roles. 8. TAKE INITIATIVEWhatever you're trying to accomplish, you need to take control of your own destiny and act on your own convictions. To become a leader, you must first learn to lead yourself. Initiative is a fundamental leadership competence. Choose your work – don't let it choose you. Seek out work you like or from which you can learn. If the work you really want isn't coming your way, make a plan to find it. Forge alliances with people both within and outside your organization who can help you work with the kinds of matters and clients you prefer. Avoid the "tyranny of the in-basket." [3] You need to actively work on your career, not just on your work. Develop a career plan. Identify specific, measurable goals and routes for accomplishing them. Go beyond adapting to whatever comes your way. Proactively select and influence the situation in which you work rather than merely reacting to situations created by others. Work to change yourself and your circumstances for the better. Leaders create a vision, set goals that embody the vision, inspire action to accomplish the vision, and develop strategic plans which lead to their goals. Start on your path to leadership by leading yourself. 9. TAKE RISKSDeveloping leadership skill requires getting out of your comfort zone. Set "stretch" goals that enable you to develop new skills. Join committees and take a leadership role. This is an opportunity to develop leadership competencies as well as increase your visibility. Many women lawyers have told me that they do their best to fly under the radar. They believe that this demonstrates that they are team players. I disagree. You stand to lose far more by being invisible than you do by taking risks. In order to break through the stereotypes that keep women from achieving positions of leadership, you'll need to appear confident. That means being willing to learn on the job instead of waiting until you know everything before you take on challenges. Ask your advisory board and network to help you fill in knowledge gaps. Present your ideas. Be decisive and to the point. Speak in a convincing manner and make your statements strong and powerful. Claim authorship of your ideas. Don't qualify your statements or apologize for speaking. Be assertive, not aggressive. Manage your emotions when you set limits and make requests. Avoid harsh criticism and always respect the dignity of others. Depersonalize your mistakes. Just because you failed at one thing doesn't make you a failure. View mistakes as learning opportunities. If you become so worried about how you're perceived after you make an error that you never try again, others will conclude that you always make mistakes. But if you attribute your error to insufficient information, you'll learn more and try again. Your track record of successes will outweigh the memory of your small errors. Taking risks builds resilience and self-confidence. The more you stretch yourself and succeed, the more confident you'll feel. This will empower you to strive toward a leadership position. 10. BE OPTIMISTICAs "purveyors of hope," [4] leaders must be optimistic. Realistic optimists take control where they can and stop investing energy in things beyond their control. When faced with a setback, optimists don't succumb to feelings of helplessness. They maintain their focus on the larger purpose, finding ways to bounce back and pursue alternative routes to their goal. Optimists see mistakes as learning opportunities, not as catastrophes from which they'll never recover. This enables them to take the kinds of risks necessary for becoming a leader. Optimism is especially difficult for lawyers, since so much of legal work is about anticipating and preventing disaster. But even though pessimism may help you be more effective in practicing law, it will be an obstacle if you think this way about career planning or the rest of your life. You're probably used to thinking that optimism is just a personality characteristic and you either have it or you don't. But, the fact is that research has demonstrated that people can learn to think more optimistically and that these changes are enduring. If you want to learn to be more optimistic, I'd encourage you to read " Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. [5]. 11. BECOME "UN-FUNGIBLE"Find a niche which your organization values and about which you can be passionate. Develop your expertise in this area. If you are the only expert, or one of a few experts in this area, you'll be of considerable value to your firm. This increases your power to lobby for flexibility in your scheduling and opportunities to take on leadership roles. 12. MAKE YOUR CAREER MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR JOB [6]Focusing on your long-term career goals enables you to minimize the power of any given employer. If your goals are incompatible with those of your organization, or if you can't get the support you need to make your vision a reality, look elsewhere. 13. DEVELOP YOUR SOCIAL INTELLIGENCELeadership is interpersonal. Effective leadership is fundamentally about how you relate to people. Social intelligence consists of several components: Self-managementPeople who cannot manage the expression of their own emotions are unlikely to effectively manage others. It's important develop an awareness of your own feelings and make deliberate choices about how best to use them in any given situation. Managing your emotions keeps them from clouding your perceptions and judgments. Being able to influence how others perceive you and coming across to others in the way you intend require self-awareness and self-regulation. It's essential to have a deep understanding of your own values, motives, strengths an limitations. Though it's not always easy to be honest with yourself, you need to develop this kind of honesty if you want to be interpersonally effective. Realistically appraise yourself without being overly self-critical. Ask others for feedback. The knowledge of how others perceive you is a powerful tool. Monitor yourself; pay attention to your feelings, actions and intentions. Observe the impact of your actions on others. Self-awareness is also critical for empathy since we tend to perceive others through the filter of our own needs, fears, expectations and hopes. When we are aware of what we expect to hear or are afraid of hearing, we can get past the filter and hear what's really being communicated. Effective leaders can read emotional signals and assess other's emotional states. Your ability to influence others depends upon your skill at sensing their reactions and adjusting your approach accordingly. Practice "active" listening – listening not only to the other person's words but also their nonverbal expressions. Leaders are more persuasive when they can attune their message to their listeners. Leaders elicit far more cooperation when they work toward equitable solutions which all participants can embrace. Be flexibly open to others' points of view and demonstrate your understand of their perspectives. Always try to preserve the dignity of everyone involved in a problem or project. Leadership is about building and empowering teams. Practice creating an atmosphere of collaboration and openness. 14. BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATEMany women attorneys who are excellent advocates for their clients are fearful of advocating for themselves. In our culture, women are socialized to believe that self-promotion is not only unbecoming and aggressive but will also damage their careers. But failing to advocate for yourself can have far- reaching consequences. In the short run, too much modesty feeds into the gender stereotype that women aren't "tough enough." Keep in mind that other people see only a small percentage of our actions. The missing information has to come from the actor herself. Share your knowledge by offering to help others. Broadcast your wins through in-house newsletters. Express your convictions. Self-advocacy is necessary for reaching positions of leadership. At the same time, make sure that you acknowledge and appreciate everyone who contributed to the group effort. Leaders are able to make their employees feel proud of their contributions. They don't need to steel the credit for themselves. 15. BREAK THROUGH EXPECTATIONSGender role stereotypes are an obstacle to women achieving leadership in the legal profession. But believing you'll never break the "glass ceiling" is sure to hold you back. Sometimes the only way to get past these stereotypes is to address them directly. Shining a light on unspoken assumptions can enable your listeners to hear and see beyond their expectations. By identifying these assumptions, you're conveying power and insight, which inspire trust. 16. BECOME AN EXCELLENT COMMUNICATORA leader must communicate her vision in a way that energizes people and galvanizes them toward action. The ability to gain the cooperation and support of others – through negotiation, persuasion and influence - depends upon communication skill, which in turn is essential for leadership. Be aware of gender differences in communication style. (For details, see Issue # 27 of "Beyond the Billable Hour at http://lawyerslifecoach.com/newsletters/issue27.html.) Essentially, you must take your listener's expectations into account in tailoring your communications. For women, it's especially important to give the other person a reason to listen by addressing a goal your listener wants to achieve. When people feel heard, they're more likely to hear you. When you understand their goals, you can articulate how their aspirations can be aligned with your vision. Although implicit gender role stereotypes foster the belief that mothers cannot be good leaders, the fact is that parenting is excellent training ground for leadership skills. As a parent you learn to plan strategically, negotiate, enlist cooperation and persuade – all of which you can transfer to the workplace. 17. SHOW CONCERN FOR OTHERSResearch [7] indicates that among the most important characteristics of effective leaders are compassion, nurturance, generosity, altruism and empathy. " Agreeableness" is a social trait and leadership takes place in a social context, so it's not surprising that these characteristics are so important for effective leadership. Women lawyers need to keep this in mind. All too often women are urged to "act like men" in working toward leadership positions. Be encouraged to learn that the most effective leaders demonstrate traits most often attributed to women. 18. DEVELOP AND MAINTAIN A SUPPORT SYSTEMTaking the time to maintain supportive and close connections with others is necessary to attain and sustain the energy and well-being you need to achieve career success. At home, you'll need a partner who will agree to negotiate and share family work with you. Be clear with your significant others that you need their help in order to reach your goals. Being overloaded with family responsibility is as much of an obstacle to women reaching positions of leadership as is the " glass ceiling" at work. You'll also need the support of people you supervise - your support staff, paralegals, junior associates, etc. It's easier to recruit such support if you understand their needs and goals and treat them with compassion and respect. Compassion and encouragement motivate people much more than impatience and harshness. Learn to delegate well. Remember, leaders don't do all the work themselves: They effectively match people to tasks based on a knowledge of their subordinates' strengths and aspirations. They are clear about their expectations when giving assignments. But don't allow perfectionism to derail good delegating. If you're not satisfied with the finished product, resist the urge to do it over yourself. Instead, return the work to the person who produced it and make sure that he or she understands your expectations. That way, you won't feel overburdened and you'll help the other person increase their own competence. 19. MAINTAIN INTEGRITYIntegrity may be the single most important characteristic of competent leadership; it's the sine qua non of a trusted advisor and effective leader. People are willing to be led by someone who follows through – someone they trust. Do what you say you will do. Don't promise to do what you can't. People without integrity may gain power, but they don't truly lead. 20. PERSEVEREPersistence in the face of adversity is one of the cornerstones of resilience. Take responsibility for your own fate. Stay resolute in your values and goals and remain determined and self-disciplined in your efforts to achieve them. Persistence doesn't mean you never feel discouraged. Rather, it means maintaining your focus on the goal in spite of your feelings of discouragement. Like a marathon runner, you keep going because you believe in what you're doing. You simply will not give up. If your goal is to become a leader to help the legal profession become a truly diverse, welcoming and equitable profession, then don't give up. Your leadership is most needed. Notes:
BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ is published monthly by Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D., founder of LawyersLifeCoach.com. She brings 20 years of experience assisting women attorneys to her work in Lawyers Life Coach ™. LawyersLifeCoach.com is a professional and personal coaching firm specializing in working virtually (by phone with email and fax backup) with women attorneys interested in developing strategies to find greater satisfaction in their careers within the law or in exploring career alternatives for lawyers. Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D. established Lawyerslifecoach.com to coach busy lawyers who might benefit from the insights gained from 20 years as a psychologist combined with her experience and familiarity with the legal profession. Ellen holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the University of Rochester and is a managing member of Metropolitan Behavioral Health Care, LLC., a multispecialty, multidisciplinary psychotherapy practice in Washington, D.C. and suburban Maryland. She is a member of the International Coach Federation and a graduate of the Mentor Coach Program ™. NOTE: BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for a personal consultation with a mental health professional and should not be construed as a form of, or substitute for, counseling, psychotherapy, or other psychological service. SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION For a FREE subscription to BEYOND THE BILLABLE HOUR ™ sign up at: http://LawyersLifeCoach.com or send an email to: billablehour-request@LawyersLifeCoach.com with the word subscribe in the body of the letter. (c) Copyright 1998 - 2007 Ellen Ostrow. All rights reserved. Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a web site. Reprint permission will be freely granted upon request. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in modified or altered form. |
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