"What is a coach anyway? What do great coaches do?
Quite simply, coaches help people become more than
they realize they can be….[A] coach helps a person
move up a level – by expanding a skill, by boosting
performance, or even by changing the way a person
thinks. Coaches help people grow. They help people
beyond what they are today to what they can become
tomorrow." [1]
A MALE ATTORNEY'S STORY
Tim* asked me to coach him midway into his fifth year as
an associate in a large firm. He'd been considering his
prospects at the firm: his practice group was top heavy.
Even if they were willing to add another partner, there
wouldn't be enough associates available for him to build
a team. He and his wife were ready to start their family
and it was clear to him that he wanted to devote more time
to family than the current partners in his group appeared to.
He'd decided that he'd better figure out a plan now, rather
than waiting until he was up for partnership to deal with the
situation. He wanted to proactively manage his career – not
be pushed by the decisions of others.
Within six months of coaching, Tim was able to clarify his
aspirations and a path to achieve them. He developed and
implemented a plan to strengthen his relationships with
clients in order to position himself for one of two
alternatives: to "make rain" for the firm and try to
become a partner or go in house. Either plan, he realized,
would give him the opportunity to do the kind of work he
most loved. At the same time, he and his wife discussed
the potential impact of having children on both of their
careers and decided how they wanted to manage this.
They considered the economic implications of various
courses of action and implemented a savings plan which
would allow them to make choices unfettered by fears about
their financial security.
The last time we spoke, he was bringing in a considerable
amount of business to his firm. Although his partnership
prospects were very positive, he was thinking seriously
about seeking an in-house position with one of his clients.
Working for this client, Tim realized, would provide him
with the kind of flexibility he needed to spend time with
the baby he and his wife are expecting in the fall.
Consequently, he was preparing a pitch to demonstrate to
the client how hiring him would save the client large fees
to outside counsel.
IN CONTRAST: A WOMAN ATTORNEY'S STORY
Caroline and I began working together shortly before her
firm was expected to vote on her partnership decision.
For the past several years she'd billed many hours beyond
those required for associates. She'd accepted every
assignment she'd been handed. No one ever complained
about the quality of her work. So she was stunned when
the head of her practice group told her he wasn't sure
she was "partner material."
With a very small time window, I coached Caroline to do
her due diligence regarding requirements for advancement
to partnership and the firm's partnership decisions over
the past few years. She assessed her level of support
within the firm and considered how influential her
supporters were. As part of the strategy we developed,
she made and implemented a plan to bring in work from a
client new to the firm – someone she'd known but had never
before asked for her business.
We role played the conversation she anticipated having with
her department head. With practice, she stopped feeling
intimidated and became able to counter his assertions about
her ostensible deficiencies.
Her most prized coaching success was that she did all of this
while increasing the amount of time she spent with her children
in the evenings and on weekends. She'd decided that whether or
not the firm offered her partnership, she was no longer willing
to sacrifice her life for the firm.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
As I've coached lawyers over the past several years, I've noticed
that the differences between Tim's and Caroline's stories are not
unusual. While the majority of the men I coach decided to hire a
coach to help them move proactively toward a goal, many of the
women lawyers who ask me to coach them have waited until they felt
desperate and out of options.
Although these are only my impressions, and there certainly are
cases that don't fit this trend, I thought it might be important
to give this some serious consideration.
Women's bar associations consistently encourage women attorneys
to be proactive about managing their careers. It's often noted
that women labor under a "myth of meritocracy" – believing that
if they just do a good job, they'll be successful. In reality,
just doing good work is rarely enough for success these days –
especially for women lawyers. Women are urged to be proactive,
to cultivate advocates, to find mentors, to seek out high
visibility assignments and to negotiate flexible schedules
so they're not forced to choose between their careers or their
families.
THE MISSING MESSAGE
I wonder if there's another message that needs to be included
in the list of success-recommendations: ASK FOR HELP – IT'S
NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS.
Those of us who are dedicated to empowering women lawyers to
achieve career success without compromising the quality of their
lives may be exhorting you to do all the right things, but
failing to address the issue of how you can develop the skills
to implement our suggestions.
Not long ago, I addressed a group of law students at Yale Law
School. After the presentation, a young woman approached me.
"I know you said we should take the initiative to seek out
mentors," she said. "But how exactly would I do that? What
would I say?"
The difference between a strategy and a successful outcome is
all in the details. No one learns these skills in law school –
that's not its purpose. And unless you're fortunate enough to
find someone who can manage her own practice, balance her life,
and still find time to work with you on the details, how are you
supposed to develop skills beyond conscientiousness?
However, part of the challenge of being a women lawyer is
feeling the need to prove that you're "tough enough." I
recently asked a woman lawyer whom I admire and respect
whether she'd ever hire a coach. "No," she replied. "I'd
feel badly about not doing it all myself."
It's not that all male attorneys are comfortable with the
idea of hiring a coach. Independence and self-reliance are
valued characteristics among lawyers, in general. But perhaps
because they don't feel the same burden to prove their strength,
or perhaps because they have some experience with coaches in
the context of athletics, some male attorneys seem to have
gotten past the idea that being coached is a sign of weakness.
Instead, they can see how a coach can help them proactively
gain the competitive edge to accomplish their career and
life goals.
COACHING: PRIVILEGE OR STIGMA?
Certainly, there are many male lawyers who flinch at the idea
of being coached. In a meeting with my personal attorney a couple
of weeks ago, we were discussing my work. "Well, you have to
admit," he said, "there still is a stigma attached to coaching.
Only people with problems use a coach."
I'M SURE HE'S NOT THE ONLY LAWYER WITH THE COMPLETELY WRONG IDEA
ABOUT COACHING.
In the corporate world, if management hires a coach for you, you
know you're being groomed for great things. There is a clear
understanding that future stars might not realize their full
potential if left to develop on their own. Providing coaching
is a way that management supports and retains the "keepers."
Particularly in today's economy where the "lean" organization
expects maximum productivity from individuals, there's a shortage
of resources to train attorneys in the non-legal, non-technical
"soft skills" that make all the difference in maintaining good
client relationships and effectively managing teams. Even firms
with dedicated professional development directors can't provide
the individualized, collaborative planning, encouragement,
accountability and follow through that coaching is designed
to provide. Even the best professional development program
doesn't offer "just-in-time," practical, applied in-context
and in-the-moment learning that is the core of a coaching
relationship.
Furthermore, most CEOs have been reaping the benefits of executive
coaching for some time. They recognize that the higher you rise in
an organization, the less likely you are to receive candid feedback
or to have peers in whom you can confide. That's why business
leaders have taken advantage of coaching services to help them
manage the pressure of pivotal decision-making, high visibility
and lack of time for non-work pursuits.
Although today law is a business as well as a profession, lawyers
have been slow to make the investment in coaching while people in
the corporate world are enjoying their returns.
Often, when a firm does decide to provide coaching services, it does
so for remedial, rather than developmental, reasons. For example,
not long ago I was asked to coach a partner who had a long history
of overt sexual harassment. He had no interest in coaching or in
changing his behavior, but the firm wanted him to change. I declined,
thinking how much better my skills could be used coaching the managers
of the lawyers he'd harassed to regain their trust and commitment and
to help them regain focus and energy directed at doing the work of
the firm.
When firms hire coaches to "fix" problem people or to punish
rule-breakers who've stepped out of line, the stigma of coaching
is reinforced. Under these circumstances, it takes a great deal
of courage for an attorney to risk hiring a coach and being found
out. And it's understandable that women attorneys might view the
potential consequences as dire.
WHY WOULD A LAWYER OR A LEGAL EMPLOYER HIRE A COACH?
Richard's firm understood the value of developmental coaching.
A senior associate, he was viewed as a "keeper" because of his
excellent legal skills and the many ways he contributed to the firm.
As the partners considered his potential for partnership, they
decided that he might benefit from coaching to help him strengthen
his leadership skills. They knew he could get the job done, but
wanted to be sure he could inspire others to do the same.
Richard understood that the offer of coaching was a vote of
confidence from the firm and was eager to take advantage of it.
We worked together to identify his strengths and further develop
these while strategizing about how to address his weaknesses.
Now he enjoys leading his team in his new role as partner.
Jen, a partner in a mid-sized firm, asked me to coach her when the
mentor on whom she'd relied for most of her work retired. Now that
she was on her own, she wanted to take control of the situation
before it deteriorated. As a mother of young children, she could
not imagine becoming a rain maker. We explored her idea of business
development and re-crafted it to suit her strengths and to fit within
her current life priorities. The following year, she was her firm's
top producer and was elected to the management committee.
Stephanie was an accomplished attorney and the general counsel of a
large corporation when she asked me to coach her. In spite of having
been a successful litigator, she was not as effective as she wanted to
be holding her own with the all-male executives on the business side.
Together we worked on developing and implementing plans to get paid an
equitable salary, to increase her influence at executive committee
meetings, and to strengthen her own leadership skills in relation
to her staff.
Val had just closed her litigation practice when she contacted me.
She'd had her fill of adversarial interactions and assumed that meant
she'd have to leave law altogether. But as we examined her strengths
and the activities she most enjoyed, she was able to recognize that
she often took on a strategic planning role both at her church and with
friends starting their own businesses. She used the coaching relationship
to enable her to start a solo business law practice. She realized that
the many community ties she'd already developed were a solid foundation
for an initial client base. She built from there, only taking work she
really wanted with clients she genuinely enjoyed helping.
Denise's firm hired me to coach her when she made a lateral move from
another firm. The partners wanted her to lead her practice group and
they recognized that many of the firm's attorneys were more accustomed
to being managed by men than women. They hoped that coaching could
prepare her to face these leadership challenges, increase her confidence
in her role, and help her to grow the practice. She successfully
assumed her leadership role quite a while ago, but still contacts her
coach from time to time to help her brainstorm solutions to new
challenges that arise.
Jane hired me to coach her as she was approaching the end of her maternity
leave. She'd been able to negotiate a flexible schedule with her firm,
but was concerned about managing all of the competing demands on her time
as she returned to work. We worked together to develop a marketing plan
that would produce a steady stream of business while requiring a minimum
of her time. She almost relented under pressure from the partners to
return to full time, but as her coach I reminded her of her commitment
to being home with her children during traditional working hours. She
developed efficient systems for choosing clients, getting them into the
system and moving their cases along. Last year she was invited into
the partnership – and is still working her reduced-hours schedule.
BECOME PROACTIVE
If you work for an employer who is sufficiently progressive to be able
to see the potential return from an investment in coaching, you might
try asking for a coach. Find out if other attorneys are receiving
coaching services. You might discover that a number of male attorneys
are already reaping the benefits of coaching.
Even if your employer is not forward-looking, you can still hire your
own coach. Many attorneys choose to do this simply because they feel
more comfortable maintaining absolute privacy in their coaching
relationship. Most of the time, coaching benefits both the individual
and the organization. But there are times when an attorney would
prefer to avoid having her coach accountable to her employer.
The fact that coaching is not remedial doesn't mean that the stimulus
for seeking out a coach can't be dissatisfaction. Frustration can be
an indication that you're not using your strengths to your full potential.
A coaching relationship is a safe place for change. By allocating time
for coaching, you temporarily suspend the pressures of the many demands
on your time and energy. Taking this time to reflect allows you to stop
being reactive. Instead you can act in a purposeful, proactive,
strategic way to develop and practice new skills, increase your
effectiveness, and accomplish your most important goals.
In the legal profession, men have so many advantages. Don't let
coaching be another one.
Notes:
1. Goldsmith, M., Lyons, L. & Freas, A. (Eds) (2000).
"Coaching for Leadership: How the World's Greatest
Coaches Help Leaders Learn." San Francisco: Jossey-
Bass. Pp xi-xii.
* In order to protect client confidentiality, names have
been changed and composites of multiple coaching
relationships have been used.
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(c) Copyright 2004 Ellen Ostrow. All rights reserved.
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